Ah Shot-Ah-Shit-Shut Dem Up

Now-ah-days people ain’t as superstitious as dey uses to be long ago. Remember when yuh hear ah “fowl-cock” crowing in de middle in de day, dat was ah sign of ah first pregnancy, and yuh will hear our near-bah shout out: “Which ever one ah you young girl meking baby, all you better bring it!” Ah would jump out me bed to see if ah thief visiting when ah hear de dog barking non-stop! But when de same dog howling, ah get scared and worried, ah sure sign ah Death in de near-bar-hood. Ever so often Lie-za uses to phone to tell me she dreamt she saw me cleaning fish, and ah must expect ah sudden death in de family. But from de time ah told her de PM say dat she is one ah dem when she “eat she belly full and lie down” and she gets Nightmares, she wake up next morning saying she had vision, she stop dreaming. Back in de 1950’s Joe, one ah SVG’s best young batsmen, had bad superstition, “Black Cat” was his nemesis. Dey was ah Black Cat in de village that roamed at nights, if John playing cricket Sat-day, by 6:00 p.m. Fry-dey evening he locks his room and gone to bed, because if he once see dat Black Cat anytime, is Zero runs he meking de next day!

We got nuff Superstitions in SVG. Tek foh example last week, de out-ah place bat cock up his back-side sleeping upside down as usual, in de roof ah de Par-liar-mint Building. Par-liar-mint in full session, but de bat wanted to sleep; couldn’t tek de Noise and Lies anymore. So wid-out even looking down to see who sitting below, incidentally dat person just happened to be de Speaker ah de House of Assembly, it let go ah load ah shyte- oops Too-Too. Lie-Za say she was watching de proceedings in de House, and she say the Too-Too mek ah big splash and de Speaker jump. Same time de Speaker quietly called de Clerk ah de House, sitting in front her, and asked her : “Did you see what just happened? “De Clerk raised her eye-brows, in shock, for her twenty-plus years of service in de House of Par-liar-mint, nothing like dat ever happened. Madam Speaker continued: “ And you notice it missed me by inches, and landed on de Order Paper? What does it look like to you? What does all dis mean?” she asked.

All dis time dey dey whispering, members ah de House ain’t have ah clue ah way going on, but Lie-Za lip-reading. De Clerk ah de House drew closer and told her it’s Feces! Upset and annoyed: ” You telling me ah Bird came in here and Shit on me!?” de Speaker asked. “No it’s Bat Shit!” said de clerk as she glanced around and motioned de Speaker to lower her volume, de microphone might pick up her voice. And de Speaker quickly adjourned de House.
Ah asked Lie-Za for an summary foh dis Bat incident. She believes dat de Bat figured dat captain out all man out, she said one Shot ah Shit, Shut dem up! And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.