I feel like an outsider in my own home

Hey Rosie,

I really need your help.

I am having a lot of problems with my aunt and uncle. They have been my guardians since my parents died one after the other over 10 years ago. Rosie, to be truthful, they are more like my parents, because I was very young when my parents died. The thing is, my aunt and uncle also have their own kids who are in my age group and for the most part we get along, but I do see that they would give them more preference over me. They get to choose first in everything; they always remind me that I am not one of them; they even say these things in front of their parents and they never say that they are wrong. Sometimes I even hear them talking about me when they think I can’t hear; they say that I am not as bright as the others and will not go far, because I am not like the others. I have one more year of high school and I will go away to college, mainly because I am ready to be away and have a different life. I would like to tell them how I feel, but I think that they would just say I am ungrateful. What should I do?

Outsider

I can feel and hear your underlying pain in this letter. There is something when you are loved unconditionally and you know it when that happens. I think your uncle and aunt are doing the best that they can with what they know. Also, you are still missing that innate connection with your own parents; this is such a difficult place to be in.

Listen, I hear you about feeling like an outsider and it must be painful to think that you may not matter as equally as the others. But know that you are loved and cared for. I know that you can attest to their care and concern for your well-being during these last 10 years. However, I think it is hard for some people to be as open and demonstrate their affection without having a bias towards their own children first.

Personally, I would not start this conversation with them at this point, I would focus on finishing high school and the promise of all of the positive things and experiences that college has to offer you in the future. Again, I feel as though you DO MATTER; you ARE LOVED and one day later on, you will be able to sit down with your family and eventually share these candid feelings you are having now. You may be actually surprised that your perception of the facts might be a little off as well. Continue to strive and achieve your goals. I know your parents would be very proud of you.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines